I Should Have Honor

Title: I Should Have Honor – A Memoir of Hope and Pride in Pakistan

Author: Khalida Brohi

Publisher: Random House, 2018 (First)

ISBN: 9780399588013

Pages: 202

Man really needs something to live for. His existence is made worthwhile by the ideals he cherishes. If he happens to be situated with good financial support, such existential issues may not bother him. But in extremely poor societies, where each day’s business of living is so tough, the people really need something to justify their miserable lives. They turn towards honour as the reason for the pride they feel about themselves. In traditional societies, women's honour – translated in local terms as their strict sexual discretion – characterizes the honour of the family, clan and tribe. In extremely poor and superstitious tribal societies of Pakistan, a woman's sexual escapades are treated very seriously. If she falls for the charms of another man, or simply be in love with a person from another tribe, the tribe’s honour is deemed to be lost. Containment of the women within the house and purdah are enforced invariably, but still misdemeanours occur all the time. The tribal or family elders prescribe a punishment of death on the unfortunate woman who is sometimes executed by her own close relatives. Such honour killings are observed mainly in South Asia and particularly rampant in Pakistan where the country's religiously flavoured criminal laws in fact encourage this heinous crime. This book is the story of a young Pakistani woman who engaged the establishment and its tribal society in her quest for ensuring a respected status and empowerment of women. Khalida Brohi is an award winning activist and entrepreneur. Her non-profit organisation, Sughar, unleashes leadership skills and economic power in tribal women in Pakistan. She has served on the board of directors of the International Youth Foundation. She and her American husband split their time between the US and Pakistan.

Life is especially hard in poor societies. Most children are given only the first two years for infancy, then three years to learn to be a responsible. Around the age of 7 or 8 children get busy helping their parents with daily chores and taking care of other younger siblings. Boys even earn income for the family. Taking on adult responsibilities so early on in their life makes the majority of the children look like adults. Rudiments of educational facilities are available even in Pakistan's remote tribal habitats, but the tribe usually do not send their boys to them. Education for girls is simply unheard of. The author's family migrated from their native Balochistan to urban Sindh to educate their girls. In tribal lands, those children who are not fit for any productive labour for the family are sent to school apparently to get rid of the trouble they make while at home. Brohi stresses on the importance of education as the key to unlock and enjoy a new world. In Pakistan, it can also mean a choice between life and death.

As noted earlier, tribal people values honour the most, greater than life. The author quotes a local saying: ‘Izzat mare, pen mare te maf’ (even if I have nothing, I should have honour). The book’s title is derived from its latter half. Since tribal honour rests solely on the shoulders of women, girls are married off during childhood – the earlier the better. The author was promised in marriage even before she was born, but her educated father resisted peer pressure to give her a fulfilling education. Brohi points out widespread modern conservatism in the country’s cities. Balochistan may be poor and tribal, but it allows its women to go outside and work along with the men while going out to the street in front of one's house requires seeking permission in Karachi.

Honour killings go on without let or hindrance because of the overhauling General Zia ul-Haq effected in 1977 to make Pakistan an Islamic state. He enforced a new set of ordinances that claimed to Islamize the 1973 Constitution of Pakistan. Among these Hudud ordinances, qisas (retaliation) and diyat (compensation) were later used the most to justify honour killings. Under qisas and diyat, a killer could be forgiven if the family of the victim forgave him. This condition is automatically satisfied when the victim and the killer belong to the same family. In a case of zina (extramarital sex), a woman who was raped had to bring four male witnesses to prove she had been raped. Otherwise, she would be punished in the name of honour (p.96). The purpose of honour killings is to destroy not just the body but also the soul, so that by forgetting her, the family can hope to restore the dignity they have lost because of her. Often after a girl is murdered, her belongings are buried or burnt; friends and family are not to speak of her ever again; her name is never mentioned aloud. It is supposed to be as if she never lived (p.63). Brohi’s cousin was murdered by her uncle for falling in love and eloping with a local boy. He strangled her by the side of a freshly dug grave in her full view. About thousand women are killed each year in Pakistan in the name of honour and these are just the reported cases.

Brohi’s father played a crucial role in making her what she is today. He gave her full freedom to express herself and raise her voice against atrocities committed against women in the name of honour. But when religious extremists turned against her and exploded a bomb to blow up her office, he restrained her freedom. Brohi resented this and sought asylum in the US. She appears to be a lucky girl whom everyone she came into contact with adored. Her American lover voluntarily abandoned Christianity and embraced Islam so as to make the match acceptable to her family.

Khalida Brohi began her career by writing poems against the murder of women and recited them in NGO conferences organised by her father. Realising the futility of taking on injustices head on, she later changed the strategy to co-opt the tribal leaders in facilitating to provide a space for their women. Gradually, more men started seeing their wives, mothers, sisters and daughters not as secret objects to be hidden away, but as valuable human beings who could make important contributions. She realised the empowerment of women by finding them jobs and making them earners of income for their families. Traditional embroidery was adapted to a commercial scale and the produce of the women were sold through malls in cities.

Even though tribal life has its drawbacks, the support systems it provides for its needy members is plainly visible for all to see. In case of sickness or death of a person, the family takes over the role of the caregiver without anyone formally requesting them to do that. Brohi maintains her roots to Baloch culture by frequent visits to her ancestral village. The book is neatly written so as to be an encouragement to other aspiring young women who hold the destiny of their own and their nations in their tiny hands.

The book is recommended

Rating: 3 Star